


The 5 Times Steve Was Ignored, and the One Time Somebody Listened

by TeenCaterpillar



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: ADHD Steve Harrington, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Kind of more of a character study I guess, Neglect, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Steve Harrington-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeenCaterpillar/pseuds/TeenCaterpillar
Summary: The first time Steve noticed it,actuallynoticed it, was when he was in seventh grade.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler
Comments: 26
Kudos: 495





	The 5 Times Steve Was Ignored, and the One Time Somebody Listened

**Author's Note:**

> I've never done a 5 + 1, hope y'all enjoy this.
> 
> Watch me project onto Steve Harrington big time!!!!  
> I've literally watched people stop listening to me while I'm talking, so like, this is def based on my personal experiences with ADHD. It's hard to keep a coherent stream, and it's hard to be concise, especially when I'm not planning what I say. Plus, I HC Steve as dyslexic too, which makes communication even harder.
> 
> Unbeta'd

1.

The first time Steve noticed it, _actually_ noticed it, was when he was in seventh grade. His parents hadn’t quite yet decided he was old enough to be left alone for months, so they were at the dinner table, still playing the perfect family. Most evenings were filled with Steve’s chatter, and tonight was no different.

“And then, this is the cool part,” Steve continued, eyes bright as he waxed poetic about dolphins once more, “I found out that orcas aren’t whales! They’re dolphins! They’re from the same family.” Steve beamed, shoveling some more potatoes into his mouth.

“Mm,” his mother replied, sipping her wine.

“Yeah! Did you know that each dolphin has its own distinct whistle? That way they can be identified by others easily! They can hear like, ten times better than we can, or ten times more sounds or something, I don’t really remember.” When Steve looked up, because _eye contact is important, Steven_ , the rest of his words died in his throat. His father was reading, having pulled out a memo from who knew where, and his mother was staring into her wine glass. Her eyes were blank, and she made a noncommittal sound of agreement. Like Steve was still talking.

So Steve stopped talking, waited to see what she would do. Her eyes were vacant, thoughts elsewhere, and after a few moments, she hummed again. Steve finished his food before clearing his throat. His mother blinked, looking over at him like he’d interrupted something important. His father didn’t look up.

“Thanks for listening to me talk about turtles, mom,” Steve said, testing her. She nodded, finishing her wine.

“Of course dear, I know how much you love them.” And that cinched it. Steve grabbed his plate, putting it by the sink, and went up to his room. He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

He wondered how long they’d been tuning him out, ignoring him. Wondered if they did this to other people, or just him. Wondered if anyone _else_ tuned him out.

Dinners were quiet after that. And then, Steve was alone.

2.

“...and, I mean, it’s not like it was _their_ fault,” Steve said. It was English, a class he wasn’t the greatest in, but he _got_ this. He understood _Romeo and Juliet_. It’d taken him forever, but he finally thought he’d figured enough out to participate in class. “Sure, Romeo could’ve waited like, two seconds and Juliet would’ve woken up, but they wouldn’t have even _been_ in that situation if it wasn’t for their parents! Like, do these families even remember why they hate each other? Or are they just hating a family because that’s what they’ve always done? And of course Juliet is trying to escape. Her mom is trying to marry her off to some guy she doesn’t even know!” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “These kids were just being kids and their families come along and tell them that because they have different last names they can’t even talk? People die senselessly over and over for a reason that no one even _really_ knows!” Steve looked up, catching the moment Mrs. Benson yawned, eyes closed as she covered her mouth. It made him falter, made his heart clench up a little bit. When she opened her eyes, looking back at Steve, he saw the distance. Saw that she wasn’t really listening. A quick glance proved his classmates had zoned out long ago.

“Thank you, Steven,” Mrs. Bennet said, “For that _insightful_ comment.” Steve just shrugged, gripping his pencil tightly. He scratched at his notebook, tuning the rest of the lesson out because what was the point?

Instead of listening, Steve scratched a vertical line deep into his notebook until the tip of his pencil broke. He stared at it, feeling more hollow than he had in a long time.

Like, he’d finally participated, yanno? He’d finally been able to _say_ something. Yeah, maybe it was a little wandering and long winded, but he was finally able to talk about the material and he’d felt so proud of himself. But it’s not like that mattered. Not if no one was listening.

Steve could feel a lump forming in his throat, could feel then stinging behind his eyes, so he practiced breathing. Thought about practice, about how he _mattered_ there. People listened to him on the court.

He was _King_ there.

3.

“God she’s just so pretty,” Steve sighed, laying on Tommy’s couch. “Her hair looks so soft, I just wanna run my hands through it. Today, I was in the library--”

“You were in the library?” Tommy joked, getting a snicker from Carol. Steve ignored the sting and smiled.

“I was there because, well, you know how Mr. Hanson gets like, a major boner over kids _using the resources they have available_ , and I thought I could score maybe a couple extra points if it at least looked like I was going there,” Steve rambled. He was a little stoned, they all were. “So I go to the library, which like, it smells fucking rank in there. I think there’s like a water leak or something that’s rotting shit ‘cause it smelled _bad_. But that’s whatever, what I mean is, when I went to the library, I see her.” He could feel himself smiling wider. _Nancy Wheeler_. She was in one of his classes, smart enough to be a sophomore in a junior class, and she always seemed so sweet. She was pretty, yeah, but god, the way she _knew_ exactly what to say. Steve was envious. “She’s studying with her friend, Barb I think? Anyway, they’re studying and I go over, and like, I’m being all suave right? I’m all, Oh, hey, don’t we have chemistry together? And I mean, obviously we both know that, but she’s so sweet and plays along. Her friend is _definitely_ not impressed with me, but whatever. I’m not trying to get _her_ to go out with me, and--” Steve turned his head, wanting to look right at Tommy and Carol when he shared what was probably the most effective pickup he’d done in a while, but they were gone. Just gone. He sat up a little, for a moment scared and confused, but then he heard the shushing and giggles coming from the laundry room.

It hurt. A lot more than usual this time. Tommy and Carol were his _friends_. He thought they listened to him. Always. And he’d been so excited because he actually _liked_ Nancy. Liked her a _lot_. The high he’d been reveling in suddenly made things more intense, made them almost too much.

Was he so boring that even his _friends_ didn’t want to listen to him? What was it about him that made people tune him out? Sure, Tommy and Carol had been extra affectionate lately, but still. He’d thought they cared. Cared enough to not go makeout or who knew what in the laundry room _while he was talking_.

But maybe it was just that it was _him_.

Steve grabbed his jacket and quietly slipped up the stairs, leaving as quietly as he could. Not that they would have noticed.

4.

It’d been a while since the upside down, since he and Tommy “broke up,” since his whole world was turned into something he never thought it would be. It had almost been a year, actually. And he’d really tried to make amends, but there was still something weird between him and Jonathan, no matter how hard he tried. And well, maybe he could try a _little_ harder, but it was kinda hard to be friends with the guy who stared at your girlfriend like she hung the moon.

He wasn’t wrong, Nancy _was_ incredible. It was just, you know, _weird_.

Even so, Nancy cared for Jonathan and Steve wasn’t going to try and deny her a friendship just because he was jealous. That didn’t mean he couldn’t try to hog her time, though. Even if she _was_ acting a little stiff lately. It was probably just back to school nerves.

“But I really think that Kyle should have gone for the layup, like, he was _wide open_ , but no, he had to pass it to Tom!” Steve rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair. He and Nancy were in a back corner in the library, though Steve had long since given up. “At this rate, I don’t think we’re even going to make it to state. It’s like they forget everything the minute there’s some pressure!” He let out a groan and looked at Nancy, who’s brow was furrowed as she read her Physics notebook. Steve puffed his cheeks out. “Nance--”

“Steve,” she said, huffing slightly as she turned to look at him. “I really do wanna study.”

“Just a quick break?” He asked, leaning forward and tucking some hair behind her ear. She smiled, rolling her eyes a little.

“We just took one.”

“Yeah, but you know all this stuff already,” he whined, leaning forward. Nancy sighed, a small crease forming between her brows.

“I actually _don’t_. Not the way I should.” Steve groaned quietly, thunking his head against the table.

“You’re such a goody two shoes sometimes.”

“It’s not my fault I want to get into a good school,” she said, voice stiff. Steve sat back up, tapping his pencil. He needed to move if he wasn’t going to talk. They sat that way for a while, Steve tapping as Nancy’s shoulders slowly rose to her ears.

Finally, she snapped.

“Oh my god! I’d rather you talk about whatever it was you were talking about before than keep tapping,” she said, voice hushed but razor sharp. Steve dropped the pencil, shocked. Nancy covered her mouth, like she hadn’t expected that to come out. Steve blinked rapidly, willing away the heat prickling at his cheeks.

“Whatever it was I was talking about? You mean, the thing I’ve been mentioning _all day_.”

“I--”

“Did you listen to _anything_ I said?” Steve didn’t look at her. He _couldn’t_. Like, he knew this was maybe the third time he’d brought this up today, but he figured she might’ve listened to it at least once. Enough to say _that stupid basketball story_ at least.

“I’ve been really stressed about this Physics test,” she began, face flushed.

“Yeah,” Steve choked out. “I know. If you don’t pass, you’ll get a B. An 89%, too. So just below an A. You’ve been talking about it for the past couple of days. It’s really important to you, so I, you know, _listened_.” Maybe it was petty. Maybe it was mean. But Steve found himself not caring much in that moment. “I’ll just leave you to study.”

“Steve,” Nancy protested.

“Later, Nancy,” he said. He didn’t kiss her goodbye, not even a peck on the head. He needed out. He had a cigarette in his hand before he even got outside.

5.

“The part that’s really cool,” Steve said, cramming some popcorn in his mouth, “Is when Rocky _keeps going_. Like, the amount of stamina and muscle it takes to take those kinds of punches?”

“Mhmm,” Dustin responded. Steve crammed some more popcorn in his mouth, enraptured by the fight on screen.

“It’s like everything he’s got is going in this one moment. The _dedication_ , man!”

“Yeah! Wow!”

“I just wish Rocky could have won, yanno? It’s cool that they tie and all, but it just woulda been cool to see all his hard work put him to the top.”

“Jeez! How exciting!” Steve paused, popcorn halfway to his mouth. He looked at Dustin, who had a comic book out, eyes on the page. He paused the movie.

That got Dustin to look up.

“Oh, is it over?”

“No, dude,” Steve said, tossing the popcorn bowl on the table with a clatter. “Come on, I know this isn’t really your thing, but I watched all the Star Wars movies with you!”

“Because they’re works of art, Steve,” Dustin replied. “Not romanticized fights!”

“Rocky is so much more than that! You didn’t even give it a chance! I thought you said you _wanted_ to watch it with me--”

“When did I say that?!”

“You said you wanted to share ‘one of my interests!’ When I picked you up from the arcade a few days ago!”

“Steve,” Dustin said, putting on his _You aren’t going to like what I’m about to say face_. “I’m going to be honest with you. I wasn’t really paying attention because I was thinking about how to beat Max at this new--” Steve zoned out a little, which maybe made him a hypocrite, but he was so _tired_ of no one bothering with him. Because it had to be him.

His parents. His friends. Nancy. Even fucking _Dustin_ , who hung onto every word of romantic advice he gave, gave a shit about what interested him. Not what he did that day, not the things that made him smile, fucking _nothing_ , unless it was a benefit to them in some way.

“Just,” Steve sighed, cutting Dustin off. “Whatever man. We don’t have to finish it.”

“Steve, I’m sorry, it’s just not my taste.”

“I know man,” he said, knocking Dustin’s hat off to ruffle his curls. “I should get you home anyway.” Steve pushed his feelings down and locked them away, because it wasn’t any good to dwell. It was time he accepted it as a fact of life: Steve Harrington was not worth listening to.

+1

Billy had his head in Steve’s lap, the sun beaming in through the blinds. Steve ran his fingers through Billy’s hair, over his scalp, gentle scratching. They’d really come a long way, the two of them. A weird rivalry, fighting each other, fighting monsters, and finally _finding_ each other in a way Steve never would have imagined. It was better than anything he could have dreamed, honestly.

“And then Mike just did that face he always does, you know the one,” Steve said. “When his face gets all pinched like he smelled a bad fart or something,” Billy huffed out a short laugh, “and he looks like you’re a bug under his shoe. I swear to _god_ someday that kid is gonna get himself punched. It’ll probably be Max.” Steve hummed. “Speaking of, your sister beat the shit out of Dustin at skeeball and he was practically foaming at the mouth after he came out of the arcade. I swear, that kid puts too much emphasis on games. Not that it’s a _bad_ thing, I guess. They do take skill. I mean, most of the kids can beat me, easy.” Steve pursed his lips as Billy shifted, getting more comfortable. “They can’t throw a ball to me, but they can play skeeball with no trouble. I don’t get them. Honestly, it’s like--” Steve paused, something blocking his throat. Billy hadn’t responded in a while, which meant he was probably bored. So Steve decided he’d cut his losses and just stop. Billy’d probably fallen asleep anyway.

Billy shifted again, turning his face up to look at Steve.

“It’s like what?” He asked. Steve felt his heart beat a little faster.

“You were listening?” The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them. Billy frowned, sitting up fully and turning to face Steve.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Steve shrugged.

“I mean, no one else does.” The sound that came out of Billy was angry, but it still went straight to Steve’s dick. Traitorous bastard.

“What? What do you mean?”

“It’s not like a big deal,” Steve laughed, trying to wave it off. “I ramble about things that don’t matter a lot, so people tune me out. It’s fine--”

“No.” Billy frowned, nostrils flaring. “It’s not fine. What do you mean _things that don’t matter_?”

“Just like, things. LIke, I dunno. Things that aren’t helpful? Like, now. I was just complaining about the kids--”

“What you say matters, Steve.” Billy leaned forward, cupping his cheek. “You weren’t just complaining. You were telling me about your day. About something important to you. Of course that matters. Why wouldn’t it?”

“Because, uhm, because it’s me? Like,” Steve looked away from Billy’s intense gaze. “It’s not like it’s helpful information, or anything.”

“Does it matter to you?” Steve was quiet. “Baby, does it _matter to you_?”

“Well, yeah,” Steve got out, voice tight. Billy nudged his cheek until he looked at him again. Brown locked with blue, trapped by the sincerity in them.

“Then it _matters_. Who the fuck told you that what you care about doesn’t matter?”

“I mean, everyone,” Steve whispered. “My parents, Tommy and Carol, Nancy--”

“Fuck all of them,” Billy snapped. “Fuck them.” Billy kissed him, hard and quick, but yet it was still soft. Still made Steve melt. “I love listening to you. You care so much, baby. Fuck, I could listen to you read the phonebook and I’d never look away. I’d be hooked on every word, just because it’s you.” Steve felt his heart jump, felt it soar. He pulled Billy closer, the kiss tasting like salt. Billy wiped a stray tear away with his thumb.

“I love you,” Steve breathed, knowing that for once, he’d really be _heard_.


End file.
